As of the writing of this blog post, it feels like what was intended to be a blogging page on my religious views has started to become a page on sexual misconduct and misogyny. Here I am, yet again, addressing the issue. In light of the #MeToo movement and also multiple shootings, we need to discuss what may possibly be the biggest underlying problem of it all, toxic masculinity.
In my confession blogs in regards to #MeToo, I skipped confessing to my absolute worst behavior against women, due to the fact that those actions were so obviously terrible, they weren't under the label of sexual misconduct, and I was not even ten years old at the time. As a warning, these are not pleasant stories, and thinking that a nine-year-old would never do something like that is completely incorrect. I was nine years old, and I did.
- In third grade, the boys in my class approached me, and we happily formed the "all boys club." I was super excited to be part of it. I felt a place of belonging with the other boys. What did this "club" do? You're not going to like it. During recess, we'd run after, and beat up, the girls. Yes, you read that right. Nine-year-old boys beating up girls during recess. Looking at it now, with how much our school had an emphasis on non-violence, I really wonder how none of the teachers or supervisors caught us. It wasn't until a girl came forward to our teacher, saying that I hit her with my lunchbox, that any adult did or said anything.
- The following year during recess, a boy blocked me from entering a spot of the playground saying "no girls allowed." I got through, but I also then felt the need to prove that I was a boy. I decided to be as aggressive as I could, blocking all girls from that spot. That happened for days, if not weeks, until all the girls rose up against me, and turned the tables.
The teachers didn't teach this behavior to us. They'd probably teach against it. My parents, and probably the parents of other kids as well, possibly taught against this behavior as well. At least, they didn't teach it to us directly. On television, there were continuously commercials for toy cars, tanks, and guns, marketed for boys. Girls were sold pretty dolls and clothes. Teachers may have also told boys to not cry, while asking girls what was wrong when they did.
In movies and TV, you regularly see the male star not expressing emotions, regularly resorting to violence, and somehow charming a woman, possibly against her will. Indiana Jones and James Bond are just a couple of examples. Actors like Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were regularly examples of this. These were all people that boys were taught to look up to as heroes. In the music industry, when I was a kid, Eminem was what we were all supposed to listen to. He regularly rapped about being tough, and made remarks objectifying women. By then, I was more fond of *NSYNC, who were marketed towards girls. Even there, however, songs like "It's Gonna Be Me" or "I Want it That Way" by the Backstreet Boys taught boys to be forceful and insistent. Boys were also exposed to football and wrestling, places where men are taught to be aggressive and strong.
With all of these things that boys are exposed to, should anyone really be surprised with the sexist behavior I was lured into at such a young age? Did my teachers really teach against it, or did they just disapprove and speak against it? Boys are exposed to seeing several bad examples on how they're supposed to behave.
Within all of this, however, there have been a few male role models for boys that have gone against the ideas of toxic masculinity. Mr. Rogers, for example, is gentle, kind, and always shows a positive outlook on life. In the children's anime show, Yu-Gi-Oh!, there are a few times where the title character, Yugi, breaks down and cries, expressing doubts and fears, and he continuously values love and friendship. He even surrenders a duel when it means risking the life of his opponent.
The show, Xena: Warrior Princess, has quite a few men who are soft and gentle. Perdicas, introduced in the first episode, who makes a couple more appearances, gives up fighting, and wants to live a quiet life with Gabrielle. Darius, a character in the second episode, is a widowed father to children, who lives a life of peace. Neron, a character inspired by Romeo from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, doesn't take things into his hands, but desperately prays to Cupid for help. He's expressive of his emotions, and his entire character is based off of being in love with a woman named Hermia. The fourth season introduces the character of Eli, someone who chooses pacifism as the way of living, and talks about love and compassion. When attacked by Roman soldiers, he willingly surrenders, to the dismay of Amarice, a woman who expresses many of the traits of toxic masculinity. Eli also expresses many doubts about himself in the show.
Eli, however, was inspired by another example that breaks away from the stereotypes of toxic masculinity, Jesus. Although a lot of men who identify as Christians claim Jesus to have been a man's man, he continuously talks about love. Love for your enemies. Love for your neighbor. Love. When one of his disciples picks up a sword to defend him, he even tells his disciple to put their sword away, for "those who live by the sword shall die by the sword." When tortured and beaten, he accepts the pain and abuse, rather than showing his dominance. Instead of trying to take control when being crucified, he prays "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."
It's quite ironic that Jesus, who is probably the most recognized male figure in western culture, is also quite the antithesis of toxic masculinity. However, he's not the only major figure. Rishabhanatha, the said founder of Jainism is another positive example. Jainism emphasizes no violence, and it even adds to be gentle to animals, including mosquitoes. Buddha is another great example, and emphasizes gentleness, compassion, and finding one's inner peace.
In our society, we can maybe have a few male characters who show their strength and might. However, what we desperately need are more men who are gentle, loving, willing to cry, and sometimes willing to accept what is out of their control. Toxic masculinity is a problematic attitude of how men should be, which we need to stop teaching boys from an early age.
Shalom!
In movies and TV, you regularly see the male star not expressing emotions, regularly resorting to violence, and somehow charming a woman, possibly against her will. Indiana Jones and James Bond are just a couple of examples. Actors like Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were regularly examples of this. These were all people that boys were taught to look up to as heroes. In the music industry, when I was a kid, Eminem was what we were all supposed to listen to. He regularly rapped about being tough, and made remarks objectifying women. By then, I was more fond of *NSYNC, who were marketed towards girls. Even there, however, songs like "It's Gonna Be Me" or "I Want it That Way" by the Backstreet Boys taught boys to be forceful and insistent. Boys were also exposed to football and wrestling, places where men are taught to be aggressive and strong.
With all of these things that boys are exposed to, should anyone really be surprised with the sexist behavior I was lured into at such a young age? Did my teachers really teach against it, or did they just disapprove and speak against it? Boys are exposed to seeing several bad examples on how they're supposed to behave.
Within all of this, however, there have been a few male role models for boys that have gone against the ideas of toxic masculinity. Mr. Rogers, for example, is gentle, kind, and always shows a positive outlook on life. In the children's anime show, Yu-Gi-Oh!, there are a few times where the title character, Yugi, breaks down and cries, expressing doubts and fears, and he continuously values love and friendship. He even surrenders a duel when it means risking the life of his opponent.
The show, Xena: Warrior Princess, has quite a few men who are soft and gentle. Perdicas, introduced in the first episode, who makes a couple more appearances, gives up fighting, and wants to live a quiet life with Gabrielle. Darius, a character in the second episode, is a widowed father to children, who lives a life of peace. Neron, a character inspired by Romeo from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, doesn't take things into his hands, but desperately prays to Cupid for help. He's expressive of his emotions, and his entire character is based off of being in love with a woman named Hermia. The fourth season introduces the character of Eli, someone who chooses pacifism as the way of living, and talks about love and compassion. When attacked by Roman soldiers, he willingly surrenders, to the dismay of Amarice, a woman who expresses many of the traits of toxic masculinity. Eli also expresses many doubts about himself in the show.
Eli, however, was inspired by another example that breaks away from the stereotypes of toxic masculinity, Jesus. Although a lot of men who identify as Christians claim Jesus to have been a man's man, he continuously talks about love. Love for your enemies. Love for your neighbor. Love. When one of his disciples picks up a sword to defend him, he even tells his disciple to put their sword away, for "those who live by the sword shall die by the sword." When tortured and beaten, he accepts the pain and abuse, rather than showing his dominance. Instead of trying to take control when being crucified, he prays "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."
It's quite ironic that Jesus, who is probably the most recognized male figure in western culture, is also quite the antithesis of toxic masculinity. However, he's not the only major figure. Rishabhanatha, the said founder of Jainism is another positive example. Jainism emphasizes no violence, and it even adds to be gentle to animals, including mosquitoes. Buddha is another great example, and emphasizes gentleness, compassion, and finding one's inner peace.
In our society, we can maybe have a few male characters who show their strength and might. However, what we desperately need are more men who are gentle, loving, willing to cry, and sometimes willing to accept what is out of their control. Toxic masculinity is a problematic attitude of how men should be, which we need to stop teaching boys from an early age.
Shalom!
