"Me Too" is Our Fault

Since writing this, I put together a separate blog page with an updated version here.

Like many other people on Facebook, on Sunday the 15th and Monday the 16th of October 2017, my News Feed was filled with women posting "Me too."  It was based on a status saying "If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote 'Me too.' as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem."  It felt like half of the women on my friend list posted some sort of variant on "Me too."  It then felt like nearly every woman that I was friends with on Facebook posted that.

One of my friends, on her "Me too" post, put a comment below that said:

Let me translate that.

'If the victims would just all get it together to say something all at the same time, maybe then somebody will listen.'

If the victims would  

It's on the victims 

It's on (statistically) women.

SUGGESTION FOR REPLACED LANGUAGE:

"If all the men who have sexually assaulted, harassed, or coerced women into sex, allowed it to happen without doing anything about it, or ever gaslighted a woman about it, wrote 'Me too' as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem."

As a side note, that friend also shared an article which I'll be bringing up at the end as well.  When going back to the comment, she had a huge point with that comment.  I had already known about some of the things I'd done in my past, and some of the times where I should have stepped in and done something.  However, this time, seeing the massive number of women opening up about having been victimized really woke me up to it in a way that it hadn't before.  I also came across an article that one man wrote, explaining that he was one of the reasons that some of those women might be posting "Me too."  However, he didn't see himself as one of "those guys."  Many of us men look like saints in comparison to cat callers, rapists, and those jerks that grope women.  However, we've done terrible things as well.  In comparison to that article, and many other men, I possibly do look like a saint, but when really thinking about it, I've been the guy that should be called "creep."

I'm sharing stories about what I've done, not as a way of confessing, but to show that not all harassment is obvious.  Much of the time, we don't realize that we're harassing women.  Something to note is that during much of this time, I was a virgin, and my intentions were to remain a virgin until I found that one special someone.  I even had the plan for us to be in a relationship for several years before having sex.  This is one of the reasons that I saw myself as different from all those other men.  They just wanted sex, but I respected women as people.  Something else to mention is that on a personal level, the people that I probably developed some of the best connections with as friends were women.  I'd hear about victims of rape or catcalling, and I would feel so sorry for the women.

While being someone who would seemingly be a strong ally to all the women saying "me too," I was at the same time being the man that they'd say "me too" about.  There are also more stories than what I'm including here.

Here are a few of the things I've done.

• When I was in fourth grade, we went on a field trip to a roller skating rink.  I tried doing the moonwalk on roller skates, and I accidentally bumped into a girl in the fifth grade.  My upper back hit her butt.  She was upset, and there were others around her who were upset with me as well.  A girl in my class pulled me aside, had me look her in the eyes.  She asked if I apologized and told her it was an accident.  Although I hadn't, I lied and told her I did.  We all know that telling lies are bad.  That's not the problem.  Yes, accidents like that happen, so that's not the problem.  Women deal with sexual harassment on a regular basis, which means that accidental touches can easily be looked upon as sexual harassment.  Apologizing and explaining that it was an accident are important to do when that is the case.
• During college, I'd take the public bus to school and back.  I'd look at women on the bus.  I'd stare at them through the window after they got off.  I'd look at them.  There were even cases where I'd run to the bus stop right after class, to make sure I'd catch the same bus as one that one young woman would also ride.  Another semester, I made sure I'd get up extra early to catch the early bus, as there were two young women on that one.  Many people might ask what's wrong with just looking.  Does that mean you must overt your eyes?  No, you don't need to overt your eyes.  Looking may possibly be fine if you're being incredibly discreet, but it's better to look somewhere else.  Women deal with sexual harassment and the fear of rape while in public places, as it is something that does happen to nearly every woman.  Having strange men staring at them is heavily discomforting.
• What showed me the problems of staring was a short video that a friend posted onto Facebook.  The other thing that impacted me was a comment from one of her relatives, saying words to the effect of "It's not a turn on.  It's creepy."
• I was a guitar performance major, so I was always taking my guitar to and from school.  There was one time, possibly one of my first days of college, where I happened to be sitting next to a woman I found attractive.  I always had to hold my guitar between my legs on the bus.  While sitting next to her, I pretended that my guitar was forcing my legs to be spread far apart, and I had my left leg pushed up against her.  When she was on the phone, she used affectionate names for the person she was talking to, who was possibly her husband.  That may have been a likely hint for me to move my leg away from her.  Regardless, my excuse was that my guitar was pushing my leg against hers.  After that, every time she and I would make eye contact at the bus stop, she would definitely not look too happy to see me.  Even with a guitar as an excuse, it is creepy having one's leg rubbed up against by a complete stranger.
• I had a gig on guitar.  One guy who loved my music so much bought me three beers, and a drink that I had no idea what it was.  Later that night, there was a DJ doing dance music.  I was extremely drunk and not keeping it a secret, but I also had a few dance moves up my sleeve.  A lot of people were cheering me on.  Although I kept my distance somewhat, there was one woman who I kept getting close to while dancing.  I might have kept my distance a little bit, but it was obvious that I was trying to get her to dance with me.  Stranger + extremely drunk + continuously moving towards you = SUPERCREEP.  Duh!  Should be common sense.
• While selling tickets for a local performing arts event, I said "I can deal with the next customer."  The next customer was a woman who said "Deal with me?"  I then stumbled, thinking of something to say, and then I said, in a gentle and soothing voice "No, I can take care of you."  She looked discomforted and I repeated that, "I can take care of you."  Saying in such a way that you can take care of a woman is belittling her, and most women today see themselves as strong and empowered, able to take care of themselves.  Add to that, she was there to buy a ticket to a show, not have a guy try to make himself seem like this big shot macho whatever.
• This isn't a story, but something to set up the context for the next three stories.  There's a men's dance group that I perform with out at the local Renaissance Festival.  We have a dance that we do around a woman from the audience.  After we do the dance, we each line up to kiss her on the hand, and then the line goes through twice.  To set up the context for these stories, something that we did was, after some of us would kiss her on the hand, we'd maybe do variants.  One member of the group would suck on her knuckles.  I would kiss her on the hand, pull away, move back down to kiss her above the hand, and move up the arm.  By the end, she'd probably have two men kissing each arm, other men behind her kissing her neck, and she'd be surrounded by all these men.
• There was one time where we did that dance around a woman.  She seemed to enjoy it like all other women seemingly had.  At the end, one of our dancers was the one to escort her away, commenting that it was his sister.  A couple of years later, we found out that although she was seemingly happy with our behavior there, she was pretty upset afterwards when talking with her brother.  Several women have trained themselves to pretend that they're happy in situations that are probably extremely discomforting.  It is for safety, as some men get violent when women express disinterest.  Other times, it's because society has taught them to accept this status quo.
• When we were dancing at random spots at the Renaissance Festival, there was a woman in a slightly revealing costume just minding her own business.  We quickly asked her to come and be in the middle for that dance which I mentioned already.  She said "I don't know what's going on."  We did the dance, but I noticed that she wasn't someone who was especially enthusiastic beforehand.  When we went around to kiss her, I did a single kiss on the hand.  This represents one of the big problems of how it was approached.  Done without consent or any explanation of what was going on.  The woman was polite, but regardless, she was clearly uncomfortable.
• There was a woman who saw our first two performances that day.  When she was in the audience, waiting for the next show, a few of our dancers went up to her.  One sat on her left, one sat on her right, there may have been one or two behind her, but where could I sit?  I'm short, so I asked if I could sit on her lap.  She said yes.  Afterwards, another one of our dancers walked up, and she offered him her other knee.  She saw the show.  Afterwards, some of us went back to her, and I walked up to her, planning only to say hi.  However, she uncrossed her legs as soon as she saw me, so that I could sit on her lap again.  After about ten or fifteen minutes, one of the other dancers struggled to pull me off of her lap, and he eventually succeeded.  She commented that it was actually kind of nice being able to make eye contact.  Unfortunately, the new way I positioned myself was right next to her, with my arm around her. I found out later on that she wasn't too comfortable with the situation.  This could be considered a miscommunication and an obvious 20/20 hindsight situation.  However, spending ten to fifteen minutes sitting in the lap of someone you just met?  The big problem is when someone makes a comment expressing relief of being split apart, you shouldn't get back to being that close physically.

We've talked about things I'd done.  Now let's talk about things other people have done, where I should have stepped in.

• There have been several times on the bus where a man, sometimes drunk, has tried to get with a woman.  She'd always mention that she had a boyfriend or a husband, and the man would either say that she was lying or he'd make a comment that it couldn't work out with whoever she was with.  Even though saying that she was taken meant that she wasn't available to him, he'd just dismiss it.  When a woman tells a guy that she's married or in a relationship, regardless of whether she's lying or not, it means that she's not interested in the man hitting on her.  She's in an uncomfortable situation with a man trying to make a move on her without any consideration towards her feelings.
• This one is not sexual harassment or sexual assault, but it definitely needs to be included, as it is commonly practiced abuse.  At the train station, there was a man yelling at his wife and child.  I looked, wondering if I should try to help out.  The man yelled at me, saying that if I kept looking, he'd beat me up.  For my own safety, I looked the other way.  Why that guy's behavior is bad should be a given, but not doing anything?  Many would advise to refrain for one's own safety, but if you have a cell phone, call 911.
• Another time on the bus, there were a couple of guys right next to me, conversing about all the women that they've slept with, pretty loudly as well.  I was looking around at the crowd of people, including several discomforted women.  I was thinking of jumping in, but I was too scared.  Such a conversation might not be directed to women, but a conversation so heavily objectifying women feeds rape culture.  It is especially discomforting when several women are right there listening to it.
• There have been several times where I've witnessed catcalling.  I've always been too scared to do anything.  It's discomforting to women, as there's also the fear of sexual assault, and letting men continue to do it just lets the problem continue existing.  It humiliates them, and it belittles them.  It is not a compliment.
• There was one time where I was walking through the city late at night.  I walked past a man staring at a woman.  She looked extremely uncomfortable.  I was tempted to go up to the man and tell him that she looked uncomfortable with him staring.  However, rather than being scared, my concern was that it would bring too much attention to the woman, as this was out in public.  There's already unwanted attention on the woman.  Someone standing up for her, concerned about her comfort, is something that, regardless of what attention it puts onto her, can be comforting.

Two positive stories.

• Our dance group had discussions on how several women have been discomforted by that dance, we decided to add precautions to make sure that they were comfortable.  One of us would talk with her beforehand about what would happen, make sure we selected someone comfortable with it all, and the kiss be limited to just one on the hand.  We did all of that for a woman in a fairy costume.  Afterwards, she sat back down, with a huge smile on her face, and she pulled part of her costume away to show off her legs.  As she didn't fit all of Hollywood's ideas of beauty, I had the thought that we may have helped her overcome some of her insecurities.  Consent is a big thing, and when that's a major part, what is experienced can be extremely positive.
• Another time on the bus (a lot of these stories seem to happen on the bus), I heard a woman expressing discomfort in a man's behavior towards her.  I turned around and said that she seemed to be uncomfortable with what he was doing.  The woman said "I already scolded him, but thank you."  When she got off the bus, she again thanked me.  Even when a woman can take care of herself, it does give a sense of comfort with there being someone else to stick up for her.

Something to note is that during my times of staring at women, during my ticket selling encounter, and during my drunken dance, I was someone who believed that women should be strong and empowered.  I complained about the sexism that exists in our society.  Yet, I was also contributing to it without realizing it.  If you think that not all men are part of the problem, unless you're a woman, you might want to look at things you've done and times when you haven't stood up.  However, when we discover our faults and try to deal with them, or when we stick up for those who are being victimized, it can be a huge payoff.

There are many things that can be done.  This article, mentioned at the beginning, gives insight, and it also has links to some other writings.

Shalom!

The Biblical Apocrypha

It isn't much of a secret that different groups of Christians hold different views.  Typically, the differences are on how to interpret the Bible.  A lesser known difference, however, is what books are included in the Bible.  This isn't much of a heated debate.  Most sects, surprisingly, have seemed to put this difference aside.

Nearly all Christian sects are officially in agreement about the 27 books of what is referred to as the New Testament.  Many individual Christians might have problems with some of them, but all Bible publications that include the New Testament have those 27 books.  Concerning what is frequently referred to as the Old Testament, the Protestants, Catholics, and Eastern Orthodox are all in agreement about 39 of those books.  Those 39 books are also what make up the Jewish Tanakh.  However, the Eastern Orthodox Christians have 11 extra books, while the Catholics have 6.  These additional books that the Catholics and Orthodox include are what people typically refer to as the Apocrypha.

The Apocrypha predates Christianity and Jesus' birth.  From about 280 BCE to 130 BCE, Jewish people in Alexandria translated their current Hebrew religious texts into Greek.  This collection is what is now referred to as the Septuagint, used in the Orthodox Church, and primarily forgotten in Judaism.  During the early years of the Christian church, around 382 CE, Pope Damascus I commissioned a scholar named Jerome to translate the texts into latin, using the original hebrew texts as his main source.  He referred to writings from the Septuagint that weren't included in the hebrew texts as Apocrypha.

This separation of texts was furthered with Martin Luther in 1534.  In both the Old Testament and the New Testament, Martin Luther moved books that he saw as less important to the end.  He openly commented that there were some books that had less importance.  However, he did not have anything removed.  It was after his death when protestant reformers fully removed what was not included in what had by then become the Jewish Tanakh.  They kept to the structuring that had developed in Christianity, so the Protestant Old Testament has the same writings of the Jewish Tanakh, but in a different order.  This is now the most universally known Old Testament for Christians.

Although most editions of the Bible do not include what is known as the Apocrypha, there are Protestants who see those rejected writings as useful.  Some have pointed out that many of the New Testament authors read and used the writings in the Apocrypha as a frame of reference.  Some have commented on how the writings of the Apocrypha have many great stories and messages.  These are useful books according to certain Protestants as well as Catholics and Orthodox Christians.

I asked a group of Progressive Christians what their opinions on the Apocrypha were.  Although Progressive Christianity is said to have a lot of diversity in viewpoints, there wasn't much diversity here.  Every response said that the Apocrypha is useful or important.

Now let's take a break from that topic, and talk about Star Wars.

Star Wars fans have frequently talked about which order to watch the original six movies in.  With the original release order (IV V VI I II III), you end on a cliffhanger, and if using the most readily available releases, the happy ending of Episode VI can be a bit confusing when a face from the prequels appears.  In their numbered order (I II III IV V VI), the biggest surprise plot twist is no longer a surprise, and you start with films that were meant to be expand upon films that you watch later.  There's an order known as Ernest Rister Order (IV V I II III VI), where the aforementioned problems are solved.  Some fans have suggested to just go with the original trilogy, and skip the prequels altogether (IV V VI).  However, there is another order that has become pretty popular with fans.

A blogger, Absolutely No Machete Juggling, suggested a slight twist on Ernest Rister order, removing Episode I (IV V II III VI).  He titled it Machete Order, naming it after himself.  In the blog he wrote, The Star Wars Saga: Introducing Machete Order, he gave a lot of his reasons as to why it works, and other fans have given additional reasons as to why it's the ideal order.  The main reason to skipping Episode I in this order is that it isn't necessary for telling the story, and it also slows the story down.  Many fans have tried it out on their kids and friends who are seeing Star Wars for the first time.  It has become an extremely popular order to watch the films.

Some fans have been upset about the idea of skipping Episode I, saying that although it isn't the best of the bunch, one of the characters and a couple of scenes still make it worth it.  Included in a later blog he wrote, he responded to that criticism:
Man, no. By far the most common complaint is that I am advocating never watching Episode I, and that's a shame because it has the best podrace/duel/song/whatever. So let me be perfectly clear, I am not advising anyone to pull their Episode I disc out of their box set and throw it in the garbage. By all means, watch Episode I. Hell, I think Episode I is probably a better movie than Episode II is.

Man, no. By far the most common complaint is that I am advocating never watching Episode I, and that's a shame because it has the best podrace/duel/song/whatever. So let me be perfectly clear, I am not advising anyone to pull their Episode I disc out of their box set and throw it in the garbage. By all means, watch Episode I. Hell, I think Episode I is probably a better movie than Episode II is.

In that blog, he made a further comment:

In other words, when you're watching "The Main Saga", like maybe if you're doing a Marathon or you're introducing someone to Star Wars for the first time, watch in Machete Order: IV, V, II, III, VI.  When you're done and that "book" is closed, you can pull in whatever "Anthology" stuff you enjoy, such as the Clone Wars TV shows or movies, the Han Solo spinoff, and Episode I.

Personally, I feel that Star Wars Episode I has some nice things in it, and it gives some expansion to the rest of the story.  Episode I shows a contrasting side to Anakin Skywalker that we don't see in any of the other films.  It gives background information and expansion on the characters of Nute Gunray and Watto.  It also has two of the best characters in the series, Darth Maul and Qui-Gon Jinn, neither of whom appear in any of the other films.  More than that, it has one of the best fight sequences in the series, and the podrace sequence is fantastic.  The film, however, really isn't something that I see as especially necessary as part of the main series.  It works best as an appendix film, rather than as part of the main saga.

What does this Star Wars talk have to do with the Bible and the Apocrypha?  Not much, but it gives me an analogy to express my opinion.  I see the Apocrypha in a similar light to Star Wars Episode I.  There are some great books in the Apocrypha.  The Book of Tobit is a nice story.  The Apocrypha includes wonderful expansions on the Book of Daniel.  There's an alternate version of the Book of Esther that gives some nice expansions.  I Maccabees tells the Jewish Chanukah story, and IV Maccabees has some nice passages about the use of reason.  There are many beautiful passages in the Wisdom of Solomon.  There definitely is some great stuff in the Apocrypha.  However, I see it as additional material to what is in the Tanakh and New Testament.

I've heard it pointed out many times that the Old Testament is important for understanding the New Testament.  I agree with that.  There are a few passages that reference writings included as part of the Apocrypha.  However, the Old Testament scriptures that are most heavily referenced in the New Testament are ones that are part of the Tanakh.  Isaiah, Psalms, the Torah, the Prophets, Samuel, and Kings are much more heavily referenced than the writings of the Apocrypha.

If you consider the Apocrypha an important part of the Bible, on par with the Tanakh and the New Testament, that is perfectly fine.  We don't need a full universal consensus of what to include in the Bible.  The Jewish people don't include the New Testament, and the Mormons have added in an extra set of scriptures.  As mentioned above, however, my personal take on the Apocrypha is like that of Star Wars Episode I.  When getting a boxed set edition of the Star Wars Saga, Episode I should be included, unless you're getting ripped off.  If you are only going to get one Bible, the Apocrypha should definitely be included.  However, I see it as an important appendix to the Bible, rather than as a full-on part of the Bible.

Shalom!

Theological Ping-Pong

When I started the YouTube channel where I talk about my religious views, which eventually lead to me expanding it into this Blogspot page, I had been reluctant for a while to do it.  Therefore, I called the channel My Reluctant Theology, as I had been reluctant to put it together.  It fit where I was back then.

If it was yesterday when I had started these pages, rather than calling it My Reluctant Theology, I would have called it Theological Ping-Pong.  Why?  Because I feel like a theological ping-pong ball. I look at some of my videos and some of my blogs, and I sometimes wonder if I agree with the views that I wrote down.  Sometimes, I do.  Sometimes, I don't.  However, I feel that it works that my posts are an expression of my continuous changes.

I'm like a theological soccer ball, traveling all over the field, and when I reach a goal, I'm thrown back into the field.  As soon as I feel like I have it all figured out, I am suddenly thrown back into the field.  Sometimes, I love it, and I truly embrace it.  Other times, it feels upsetting.  I'm unsure whether this continuous journey will end, but I'm not sure if it's supposed to.

Shalom!

The Parable of the Good Satanist

A while ago, I wrote this for a Facebook page of which I was on the administrative team for.  It has been tweaked a little.

Jesus spent a day visiting a church.  Their pastor went to him and said, "How is it that I shall be a great Christian?"

Jesus said, "What do the scriptures say?"

The pastor responded by saying "You are the light, the way, the truth, and the life.  No one goes to the Father but through You."

Jesus said, "Yes, but what is it that I say sums up the law and the prophets?"

The pastor shrugged his shoulders.

Jesus rolled his eyes and said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

"And," Jesus added, "Paul's letters take it down simply to loving your neighbor."

The pastor scratched his head, confused, and said "Love my neighbor?"

Jesus said, "A teenager was run over by a woman.  She asked him if he was alright, and he said 'no.'  She then threw at him a pamphlet on why to worship me, and drove off.  Soon after, a street preacher walked by, and he yelled at the teenager, saying 'God is punishing you for your sin!'  However, a Satanist, wearing an 'I hate God' t-shirt walked by.  Having compassion for the teen, he picked up the teen, carried him to the hospital, and stayed with the teen until his recovery."

The pastor, still confused said, "I don't get it."

Jesus, frustrated, said "Which of the three that interacted with the teen is the neighbor of whom you should love?"

The pastor, without hesitation, said, "Now that's an easy one.  The woman who threw the pamphlet and the street preacher."

Jesus said, "I do ask that you love all people, but those two have misused my name."

The pastor said, "But it can't be a Satanist."

Jesus said, "It is because of people like the street preacher and the woman that people have become Satanists.  They are not truly against me, but they are against what many people claim to be of me."

The pastor said, "But don't you say that we should make disciples amongst all nations and preach your good news?"

Jesus said, "Yes, but woe to the fool that preaches the gospel with their mouth.  They should try preaching it with their mouth taped shut.  Leading as an example, as I did, by helping those in need, standing up for the oppressed, and striving for justice speaks much louder than any word ever could.  I never said that people will know you to be my disciples because of your attempts to convert others.  I said 'By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.'"

The pastor still didn't understand.  Jesus left that church, feeling sad.  Church membership continued to decline.